i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize