saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Randomize
