I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
