You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
