I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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