Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
