Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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