You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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