My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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