I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
