The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Couch. On fire.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize