kristin has been a bad kristin
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
