it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
