I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
