she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
