FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Pooping to opera.
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