Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
