you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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