he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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