put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
