he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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