Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
