She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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