I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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