I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
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