Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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