i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
