Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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