Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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