this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
3pm strippers are depressing
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize