I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
