Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
