I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize