im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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