yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
