You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
