The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
