i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
