why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
