Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
