I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
