Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
