I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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