New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize