Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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