Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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