I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
