I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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