my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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