If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
