his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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