Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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