dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
