I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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