I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
