I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You're like the curious george of whores
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize
