i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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