he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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