Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You are a genius and a whore.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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