He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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