5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Randomize
