What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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