well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize