Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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