haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
