I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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