Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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