okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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