cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
