I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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