I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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