You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i came on her dog
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
