i will never coherently bang her
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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