on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
