im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
