ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
