How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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