I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
