I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
