I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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