Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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