vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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