i can't believe i had my finger in that
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
