Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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