His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
