i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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