My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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