Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
