gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
