the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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