Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize