I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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