these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
