Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
