Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
