Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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