He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
