dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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