The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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