So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
