I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
